To any of you who may have been disappointed recently by not getting into that college, grad school, or company of your choice, I’ll share a line with you that always motivated me ; ” If you can’t join ’em, beat ’em.” —— coined by a future worldwide sales vp in the mid 80’s after getting a rejection letter from Xerox for an entry level sales position. (well in advance of the hip hop album of the same name released 20 years later)
Acme Camera HQ, RT 128 Northbound, Western Burbs, Mass. The late 80’s. 30 years before CAD/CAM/CAE morphed into IOT/AR/VR/ML after Al Gore’s invention of the INTERNET. 31 years prior to an army of salespeople falling asleep during one of Dane’s successors sales kick off speeches.
Acme Camera, The Grand Poohbah, The Rope-A-Dope, and ALL SYSTEMS GO
5:15pm – “He’ll be down momentarily”, the receptionist says, as she returns to reading her book. “Have a seat please “. The 5’11 salesman is antsy but has a game plan. A few deep breaths, no big deal, he thinks to himself…… I got this. “HEY THERE”, calls out a young man of similar age to the salesman, “thanks for bringing that back”, bellows Chip Garnett. “Hey Chip”, “no problem”, retorts the salesman, handing Chip his jacket, “I feel badly about what’s happened……. do you have a few minutes to talk about it? “Sure”, replies Chip, “That was ugly, I mean, really ugly, Henry was absolutely pissed”. “I don’t blame him”, says the salesman, “I’ve been thinking about this and would like to apologize to him.” “Is he in?”. “Well, I don’t know if that’s gonna fly,”, replies Chip, “I mean, Henry was really upset”. “You gotta understand, he’s been here 30 years, has nearly 700 software developers working for him”.” Getting thrown offsite by a vendor isn’t something he’s used to “. “Of course not, no one is used to that”, says the salesman. “Again, I feel horribly about this”. “Our VP of Sales was out of line, he’s a little overly aggressive at times”, says the salesman, employing a standard “blame your boss” technique, “Would you be willing to see if he’ll see me now?”. Sheepishly, Chip picks up the lobby phone and dials an extension. “Hey, its Chip, the sales guy from HOT BOSTON START UP is here, he’d like to ……….”
5:25pm- The salesman and Chip hop in the elevator, heading up to Henry’s office. “That sounded pretty animated” remarks the salesman, “I appreciate you making the call”. “Yeah, he wasn’t all that happy” says Chip, “but he agreed to have you come up”. “Hope you’re ready”, says Chip,……. yeah, me too thinks the salesman to himself as he makes his way past a sea of cubicles toward the corner office of the Grand Poohbah of Software Development at Acme Camera.
5:30pm- “Well, look what the cat dragged in”, remarks the mid-fifties something, balding, overweight, out of shape, cantankerous, Grand Poohbah of the local camera making world. “What can I do for you?”. Things slow down immediately as the salesman’s years of training kick into action, consuming his senses and state of being. The salesman quickly sizes up the office; scanning the desktop, walls, and corners for critical insights into Henry’s family, hobbies, interests and accomplishments. At first glance, standard stuff, potted fern plants in the corner, family photos and trinkets on the rear cadenza, “THE BUCK STOPS HERE” desk plate prominently displayed on the desk top, action photos from Louden Speedway in NH on a side bookcase, framed degree from a 90%+ acceptance rate college on the rear wall behind the desk, along with a 25-year employee appreciation award. Nothing out of the ordinary.
5:35pm-“Hi Henry”, starts the salesman, extending his hand, “I appreciate you taking a few minutes to see me, especially on a Friday night.” Henry, doesn’t react, and worse yet, fails to extend a hand. He remains seated, leaning back in his expensive Herman Miller office chair, hands firmly clenched on its arms. The salesman remains calm, ignoring Henry’s snub of the handshake. He takes a seat on one of two chairs parked in front of Henry’s desk. Chip takes a seat next to the salesman. This is interesting, the salesman thinks to himself, no doubt prearranged. The silence is awkward. Yet the salesman is not intimidated by it. Instead, he returns to his checklist. Sports would usually be first, but Henry doesn’t appear athletic. The photos of the speedway pretty much confirm that. Next topic, family. The salesman begins, “those are good looking boys”, the salesman calmly utters, pointing to the overall clad youngsters standing in front of Henry and his wife in the family photo featured on the cadenza. Chip gasp’s immediately, followed by a coughing and clearing of his throat. The salesman makes eye contact with Henry who couldn’t be a deeper shade of red, clenching the armrests of his seat as tight as humanly possible. A few more seconds pass and Henry finally speaks ……. “THOSE ARE MY DAUGHTERS !!” .
5:40 pm- “YES !!”, says the salesman, not missing a beat and ignoring the faux pas, “I can see no doubt they are .” “I’m pretty far away over here”. “But I can tell there are yours for sure”. “Are they racing fans also?”. Henry lightens up a bit but is still red. “ The’ve been to the track every weekend during racing season since they could walk”, says Henry. “But that’s not what we’re here to talk about, IS IT?”
5:41pm– Henry EXPLODES !!!!!!!!. LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING YOU LITTLE SH%TH$%D,.. You’re a ……..%^&**(&^%$# &^# %&*$%#@$ $%^$# , ………. And your F&*King company…… are a bunch of A$$H** and that Sales VP, BEAUMONT is a Fu%^Kng SH%THEAD and I Don’t Know why you’re even sitting here and I ought to stick this FREAKIN MAGIC Marker Up Your %^&(*$ and BLAH BLAH BLAH , BLAH BLAH BLAH ……… The salesman is stoic, nodding in acknowledgment, lips pursed, employing a standard “ Rope-A-Dope “ tactic. (For all you M’s out there, google “Rumble in the Jungle “,……. float like a butterfly,…… sting like a bee) …… The salesman is used to getting screamed at. Screamed at as a youth hockey player, son, brother, high school and college basketball player, start up sales guy and professional cold caller. Getting screamed at is something the salesman’s psyche is hardened to. NOT A PROBLEM. The salesman remains stoic, disassociating himself from the personal insults and attacks being levied upon him, taking slightly deeper breaths than normal, allowing Henry to “ punch himself out”, ……. George Foreman style.
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