Don’t we all wish we had an extra day or two at the end of the month?
“This ain’t product development. We can’t simply announce the dates been extended and move on with our lives without consequences”
Quote provided by a not so famous former EVP of Worldwide Sales and Distribution sometime between the Fall of 2002 and the Fall of 2016.
Finally, The Pink Message Slips
8:20 am – 3 stacked pink message slips, each offsetting the other by half an inch, screaming to be dialed. Nearly 15 years before an SDR, BDR or MDR role existed.
All three had been marked “READY TO BUY THE PRODUCT” by Dane Bradford, Sales VP Extraordinaire. AKA the “Best Damn VP of Sales on the Planet”. They’d been sitting on the 5’11” salesman’s desk for more than 14 hours now. 14 hours and 20 minutes to be exact. Time matters in sales, just in case you never heard anybody say it. The clock is always running on the quota carrying salesman.
8:21am- “Can’t wait for Dane” thinks the salesman to himself, “gotta knock a few of these off before class”. The first call was to Chip Garnett, a software developer, from a large local camera manufacturer. “I understand you’re ready to move forward with a purchase”, touts the salesman. Chip shoots back immediately. “Ready to purchase?” “Are you out of your Freaking mind?” “I was just calling to see if anybody found the coat I left at your office?” “Your VP of Sales threw us out when we were onsite last week”.
For the 3rd time in as many days, the salesman is caught off guard, but recovers quickly. “What?” says the salesman,” what happened?” Chip went on to say that his firm had been investigating the technology. Chip, 4 peers and Chip’s boss, Henry, had been in to meet with Dane at Hot Boston Start Up HQ the week before. Dane personally had qualified through Henry that this was a “closing meeting” predicated on a successful transfer of legacy data to the new system. The pre-qual for the meeting was that if the transfer worked, the camera maker would purchase. After the successful transfer, Dane rightfully asked for the order. Henry pushed back, citing his inalienable right as a customer to “change his mind” and things pretty much went downhill from there, resulting in Dane booting the aforementioned trio (x2) from the premises.
“Wow”, responds the salesman, “sounds like the meeting didn’t end up so well”. “Yeah, Ya Think?” responds Chip, “and as we were leaving the building your VP of Sales yells out …. And you’ll never have our product!! “. It was then that a phrase uttered earlier in the week by one of the companies earliest Demo Jockeys, Finchley “T-Spline” Fruehoffer (hey, it’s a start up, everybody has a nickname) echoed in the salesman’s ear “Our product is so good our VP of Sales can yell at customers!”
After excusing himself from the phone for a moment to successfully chase down Chip’s coat, the salesman secures a face to face with Chip by offering to bring the item back later in the evening., “that’ll give me an opportunity to get in front of Henry” he thinks to himself as he hangs up. “Yeah, THIS is DEFINITELY forecastable” “Gotta get downstairs for class”.
10:30 am- Class breaks, the salesman makes a B line for his desk upstairs. More message slips stacked on the stacked message slips, one from Dane, SEE ME . another from a rep of the local reseller. Getting back to the “original stack”, pink message slip #2 is from a Harry Doyle. No company or address listed. Come to find that Harry had requested information on the product “some time ago” but the information never arrived. After speaking with Harry at greater length, its pretty clear that based on his company name, ABC Partners, location, Magnolia, Mass, and questions, he’s a consultant on a fishing expedition. Not exactly “READY TO BUY THE PRODUCT”.Not ever gonna buy the product, the salesman thinks to himself.
10:38 am- Dialing Solomon Pierce (pink message slip # 3), software development manger from a large Connecticut defense contractor. After getting Solomon on the phone, he responds in a gruff and puzzled manner. “Why are you calling me?” says Solomon, ” I just spoke to your VP of Sales, What’s his name? BOFORD, BEAUFORD ? I don’t really give a shit” “Anyway, I told him those morons that were up at your office looking at your product couldn’t buy a roll of toilet paper”. “Guess he was calling me trying to figure out where we were, well, I guess he knows where we are now, but why the f&%K are you calling me?” “We’ll, I heard you were ready to buy the product”, responds the salesman, “Ready to buy the product?” responds Solomon, “we aren’t even ready to buy that toilet paper yet” he howls. After declining two attempts to secure a face to face meeting in the next week, Solomon finally agrees to calendar an appointment with the salesman 4 weeks out. This lead is steaming hot too, thinks the salesman. At least this guy has a need and some responsibility.
So Much for the 3 Pink Message Slips
